My First Psychedelic Trip

Having heard about magic mushrooms on the Joe Rogan Experience a few years ago, I was eager to try them for myself. Their effects sounded like an otherworldly experience, inducing a state of consciousness far different from alcohol intoxication or the high you get from smoking bootleg weed (the kind you score on the corner as a high schooler).

Lately, I've been seeing a surprising number of psychedelic advertisements on Instagram, despite most psychedelics being illegal in Germany. Perhaps my smart home devices had started analyzing my brain activity and correctly guessed my thoughts. I wondered why these legitimate-looking websites were trying to sell these drugs to unwitting German customers, who would clearly be breaking the law by ordering them. 

After conducting some research, I became wary of ordering online and having it delivered to my home. 

It turned out that any legal trouble for purchasing the drugs would fall on the client, not the shop, which operated legally in the Netherlands. I preferred to avoid any unwanted attention from local law enforcement.

As a foreign student in Germany, I was extremely cautious about getting into any kind of trouble and was reluctant to resort to the black market. Maintaining a clean record was crucial for establishing myself as a law-abiding citizen and potentially getting naturalized. 

Not to beat around the bush, circumstances changed in 2023 with the introduction of the Deutschlandticket and improvements in my financial situation.

I began considering a trip to the Netherlands, the promised land of forbidden teenage dreams. While magic mushrooms were technically banned there in 2007, a legal loophole allowed the sale of magic truffles, their psychedelic cousins. Magic truffles were readily available in smart shops across the country.

What are these magic truffles exactly? 

Magic truffles are the sclerotia (a type of compact mycelium) of psilocybin mushrooms. Containing the same active ingredients, psilocybin and psilocin, as the caps and stems of magic mushrooms, they produce similar psychedelic effects.

I looked for a Dutch city that was accessible by German regional trains and that also had a smartshop. Venlo fit the bill perfectly. The train ride from Düsseldorf Hbf to Venlo takes just over an hour.

Upon arriving in Venlo, I made a beeline for the Sirius smartshop, where I purchased three boxes of "Space Shuttles" magic truffles, a beginner-friendly variety from the MagicBox brand.  In 2024, a 15 gr box cost 17€, but due to currency devaluation, the price would likely be higher in subsequent years. However, if you're paying with Bitcoin, the price would likely decrease over time. The promised effects were laughter and mild visual and auditory hallucinations, the intensity dependent on dosage: 5-9 gr for a normal trip, 10-15 gr for a strong one. 

Oh mother, tell your children not to do what I have done...

I briefly considered buying more, but their short shelf life dissuaded me.

Back in my hotel room, I scoffed down 16 or 17 grams in one go, being a complete novice with a penchant for excess There was no turning back now.  I wondered what the onset would feel like, fearing disappointment.  I had intentionally avoided reading trip reports or researching others' experiences, determined to keep my mind unburdened by expectations and make this journey wholly unique.

What do they taste like? 

Chewing truffles is reminiscent of chewing on rotten wood, with a lingering and intense aftertaste. It's best to have a drink on hand to wash them down.

I made a commitment to document my thoughts during my trip, but some of the resulting writings are incoherent and potentially unsuitable for this blog. Nonetheless, we will go through parts of it later.

I first consumed 10 grams, lay down on my hotel bed, and anticipated imminent death. Well, not really. I simply idled on my phone and perhaps indulged in some adult content, not appropriate to detail in a respectable blog.  Gradually, the initial effects set in: everything struck me as hilarious, causing me to burst into fits of laughter, with or without provocation.

This wasn't unlike being high on marijuana. The key difference was that my mental clarity remained intact, and my perception sharpened – the complete opposite of marijuana or alcohol's mind-numbing effects.

To be honest, finding everything funny wasn't the effect I sought. I desired deep introspection, new insights into my troubled psyche, a way to get to the root of things. You might think my expectations were unrealistic, that one would need to venture to the Amazon and try Ayahuasca with a shaman for such profound effects. That's precisely why I took another six grams. I was ready to shift into a higher gear, to transcend the ordinary and soar into the realm of altered consciousness.

Did I get there? 

I journeyed through countless realms without ever leaving my bed. Some were breathtaking, others teetered on the edge of sanity, and a few were downright terrifying.

An hour into the trip, my mind became that of a mischievous child, refusing to submit to any authority. It was hell-bent on having fun and wouldn't let anything get in its way. My rational self took a backseat, mildly anxious that things could go awry but powerless to intervene.

The most frightening experience came when my phone's bedtime mode activated unexpectedly at 9:30 PM. I was in the middle of something when the screen went dark, the music stopped, and I was abruptly kicked out of the app. Terror washed over me as I momentarily forgot how to disable the feature. Simultaneously, auditory hallucinations kicked in—screeching and popping sounds filled the silence. I was stranded in a dim hotel room, all the lights off, and the darkness felt suffocating. The world seemed empty and void.

Despite these unsettling sensations, I knew what I had to do: turn off the bedtime mode and get the music playing again.

Maintaining composure on a small boat amidst a turbulent ocean is no easy feat and it definitely felt like it.

I frantically searched for a way to disable the sleep mode and, after a few minutes of struggle, finally succeeded, feeling an immense wave of relief wash over me. I had narrowly escaped the encroaching darkness that threatened to engulf me.

With the remnants of my self-control, I reminded myself to document my experiences. Here are my notes, corrected for spelling and grammar:

I am utterly smitten, but it appears my writing abilities are not completely gone.

This is the exact thing I was looking for. 

This is a highly volatile state. My sensibility is augmented to the extreme and my moods sway violently depending on the input I get. The psyche seems to immediately reflect the emotional charge of whatever your mind is focused on at the moment. Listening to a cheerful song will be a rollicking fun but take something mildly scary and … I don’t even go there and I will not.

You can be dangerous but you want to avoid doing things you will come to regret (meaning the person on shrooms, not me in particular).

Learn how to master the trip and enjoy it. It’s not unlike the downhill ride on the skateboard or a parachute fall. You can end up dead or badly injured if you do the wrong moves. If you master it, the flow is perfect and deeply enjoyable. 

Remember that you don’t think about falling while skateboarding. You flow smoothly, boy.

I almost stumbled…There was a scary song. I felt uneasy. Don’t listen to this stuff. Not in this frame of mind.

Let’s keep flying!

You experience emotions and sensations in a time lapse as if a big chunk of your life with all its diverse experiences and states of being was pressed into one single trip. You get a sense, a taste, a summary of your life. In real life things happen to you and you stay a prisoner of your mind, but now you see it all in a summarized form from a distance.

You have to prepare some quality input for your trip.

I think it can be dangerous to trip alone on high dosages. You may lose control and then you’re just flowing. It feels great as long as the flow is smooth and there is no storm in sight.

Whatever the alcohol intoxication was like, this state is nothing like it.

Let’s keep flying!

I think I can explore an unlimited array of things in this state of consciousness. The curiosity is boundless. You’re the embodiment of curiosity.

Wow, it’s the greatest experience I’ve ever had!

There’s filth in life. I feel that some people have a kind of sense of life that is absolutely sickening and makes me feel disgusted. It encompasses their opinions or behaviors but it’s much more than that, it’s their wicked nature. I felt afraid I could become one of them but my being is pure. I am pure.

Let’s keep flying!

Remind your trip sitter to give you a productive input unless you want to fall flat on your face or veer off onto a dark path. 

Listen up: You got to cherish every single moment of your life. And don’t be in a hurry to get somewhere, take your time and enjoy the journey. Some opportunities will come and go but you’ve got time on your hands, don’t chase them.

The major risk is that you’re traveling through a vast space and don’t see the surroundings. The darkness around you is like a living bay, but you’re a light that holds it at bay. 

Remember it: You’re the light that holds the darkness at bay. 

Well, it’s getting late and it’s time to go to sleep but the flight is good. I got to buy more of these mushrooms.

I can imagine that some folks in this altered state will just do whatever their true nature wants them to do, including the worst stuff imaginable. It will either let the truly wicked live out their wickedness or it will open their eyes on their evil nature and activate the self-destruction mode. I hope it does the latter. In the other case, it’s a truly dangerous substance since not all humans are good. 

At this juncture I went into a deeper realm and explored one particular question: “What is dirt?”. It may make total sense to me but be somewhat unrelatable or obscure to the reader, especially to the ones who have not experienced the alteration of normal consciousness to such an extent.

Dirt is chaos, the absence of structure, the absence of beauty.

Dirt is what I distance myself from.

Why must I distance myself from it so publicly?

Because the dirt is encroaching upon me, threatening to consume me, but it has no will. It is merely dirt.

Everything becomes dirt when humans lack will.

I am the will, and I distance myself from the will-less dirt.

I am not afraid of dirt, only disgusted by it.

To dirt, everything is dirt. Dirt projects dirt. 

If you are dirt, I have only bad news for you.

You are unlife but you wouldn’t understand. You wouldn’t want to understand since such understanding would be the undoing of your whole being. 

I want to scrub off the dirt wherever I encounter it, but sometimes it’s too much and I feel that my powers wane and rather than removing the dirt I flee to save myself.

I am order. I am cleanliness. I organize. I cleanse. I have nothing to worry about.

I keep the dirt out of my life!

I have to let the dirt be dirt and stop being disgusted by it. After all, it’s just dirt.

***

All my life is just one big psychedelic trip and I love it! That’s my life!

Aftermath

I stuck around 15 gr of magic truffles into my backpack to take it back to Germany which de jure makes me a drug trafficker, de facto a daring adventurer. I prefer the latter designation. 

Passing through the border, I couldn't help but feel a prickle of nerves, half-expecting German  police or customs officials to materialize out of thin air and haul me away. Surely, one glance at my face would reveal my criminal intent, my aura of guilt.

Maybe I shouldn't compromise myself any further and promptly seek some legal counseling... 

Isn't that how one strays from the righteous path? Learn from my mistakes, dear reader.

"Oh mother, tell your children not to do what I have done."

Having researched online forums and the German customs website, I got the impression that border controls were relaxing since the primary focus was on cannabis smuggling, a substance recently legalized in Germany. I later discovered, however, that bringing weed from the Netherlands to Germany remained illegal, despite the legalization. I guess some people want to keep their jobs.

At the border, there were no police or customs officials inspecting travelers and my smuggling operation was successfully accomplished. 

I've become a drug user, at least by societal standards. I tried the magic truffles, and well, let's just say their magic took hold of me. Fortunately, the magic within these mushrooms encourages you to question conventional wisdom, making it easier to break free from restrictive norms and stupid labels.

I will undoubtedly revisit this experience countless times throughout my life - likely on a weekly basis. It has become an inseparable part of me.